Three Simple Ways to Show People they Matter
Three Simple Ways to Show People They Matter
(I chose this picture because my Mom is a key person who made me feel like I mattered. Love you Mom.)
The HBR article on The Power of Mattering at Work has some fascinating statistics that I believe can be extrapolated beyond “at work” to “in life.” It’s a primal need to matter!
30% of people report feeling invisible at work
65% feel underappreciated
82% feel lonely
60% never had a manager who truly appreciated them
It’s a primal need to feel significant—to know we’re valued and that we add value. When I train leaders in listening, feedback, motivation, and coaching, I emphasize the power of truly caring for team members and acknowledging them in ways that resonate. Pointing out how someone’s work matters—and how they do it—builds fulfillment and engagement, which naturally drives performance. And to do that well, you need to pay attention to more than just output.
How can you show people they matter?
It’s not rocket science, but it does take focus.
1. Truly See and Hear Them
One of my favorite lines from an HBR article says, “Noticing people isn’t the same as knowing them.”
Ask yourself:
Am I seeing this person beyond my biases or fixed image of them?
Can I name one of their values, aspirations, or sources of joy at work?
Do I allow them to shine in my presence—or am I focused on managing them to get work done?
Do I listen just to solve, or do I hear the feelings, values, and worldview behind their words?
Do I ask questions from true curiosity, or am I just confirming my own perspective?
Try using just one of these questions for a day. See what opens up!
2. Acknowledge Them (Show they are valued!)
When things get busy, it’s easy to zero in on KPIs and milestones, overlooking the need to celebrate progress and learning. But meaningful affirmation is more than a casual “Great job!” That’s praise. True affirmation acknowledges effort, essence, and impact.
Here’s a simple formula:
Good: What they did.
Better: What they did + who they had to be to do it.
Best: What they did + who they had to be + the impact they made.
For example:
“You facilitated that meeting with such clarity and courage. You brought forward tough topics in a calm, focused way—and it helped the team shift from stuck to aligned.”
3. Set the Right Intention
Another gem from HBR: “Leaders who truly create mattering see and treat people as worthy ends in themselves—as humans with vivid, complex, and important lives.”
We often forget this in the rush of deadlines. I know I do. When someone frustrates me or misses the mark, I have to pause and remember: they’re a human being, not just a human doing. What impact do I want to have? I want to see their effort, their uniqueness and develop them from compassion, not frustration.
Holding people accountable is important—and so is holding space for their wholeness. When your intention is to support someone as a full human, you’re better equipped to guide, coach, and connect. And they can hear you better too!
Ask yourself, “What is my intention for this conversation? feedback? comment? Interaction?” Am I entering the conversation with the intent to develop them and help them be their best? Or is it from a self-centered or results oriented view that doesn’t account for the human being. Be intentional about seeing the humanness in each person. And don’t forget, you’re a human too!
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This intentional approach is why I named my company WorkDeep—to lead with reflection, honesty, care, and courage. Through self-reflection and intentional choices we uplift others and uplift ourselves.
And here’s the truth: leaders often don’t receive the same care they give. They burn out trying to ensure others feel seen, supported, and motivated—while neglecting their own mattering.
To lead deeply, we must also nourish deeply.
That means setting aside time to reflect, reset, and be supported. Reconnect with what is important to you, to shift old patterns of thoughts and be in choice about how you show up for yourself, so you can show up for the world.
Take a step and be in a community that nourishes you because you matter too. Women, consider joining a retreat this Fall in MN or TX with NourishDeep Retreat. Come unplug to reset! https://www.nourishdeep.com/womens-retreats
We are one human family. When you care for yourself, you care for the whole.